collects_ears | OOM: At night by the lake.

OOM: At night by the lake.

George is standing by the edge of the lake, wrapped in his traveling cloak. He returned to Milliways this evening but after a quick visit to his room to stash his saddlebags - and coming to the realization that he doesn't feel much like socializing - he slipped unnoticed through the bar and out the back.

Now, watching his breath puff in the chilly air - he feels calm.

Centered.

He breathes in the night air.

Lost in his thoughts.

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*Even Alanna would admit that it's sometimes hard to do the right thing. The urge to turn tail and flee strikes everyone at one time or another. Bravery is overcoming that.

That's why she pauses momentarily when she sees George. Mounted bareback on Mithros, she pulls him up and watches one of her oldest and dearest friends, knowing that she's about to hurt him.

It's the right thing to do, but at the moment, it doesn't seem very fair.

She lightly taps her heels against the gelding's side and walks forward.*

Hullo, George.

He hears the horse first - knowing that someone is coming.

He remains where he is.

Only when the horse stops moving, does he look to see who the rider is.

"Hello Lass. Join me?"

Of course.

*Alanna kicks her feet out of the stirrups and twists the reins in her hands for a moment. Swallowing, she swings her leg over and hops down, patting Mithros on the neck.*

You've been hard to find.

"Have I?" he asks curiously. "You've my word it's not intentional.."

He fumbles around in his pocket and after a moment locates a lump of sugar - which he offers to Mithros.

"..You've found me now." He smiles.

That I have. *She smiles, rolling her shoulders uncomfortably.* The Provost keeps you busy, doesn't he?

She's tense. Very, very tense.

She's practically radiating tension.

The word bode comes to mind. As in - this does not bode well.

"Yes he does." he agrees, stroking Mithros' neck. "It's a good thing I like my job. Else I'd have walked away a long time ago.."

I doubt it. *As she says the words, she wonders if they are true and comes up with yes. But with George, it's often hard to tell.* I think you would make a lot of noise out of walking away, but your own sense of honor would keep you there. For Jon.

*She swallows.*

Are you sure you haven't been avoiding me, George? Because if you have... it's all right.

"You're probably right. Damn sense of honour.." he laughs. "How much easier it was when I was a feckless young thing...."

Her expression causes his smile to fade.

So it's come to this then.

There will be no more dancing between them.

"...You've that look on your face Alanna. Something is eating you up inside. Best you be out with it then.."

You didn't use to avoid my questions. Not serious ones.

*Eyes solemn, she nods. It hits her then that although she's upset and nervous, she is also oddly calm. It's different than last time, with Peter. She's certain now, and that certainty keeps her head high and shoulders squared.*

Aye, there is something. I'd have told you sooner if I could ever find you away from Bar herself. It's not a conversation for happy hour specials and banter.

*She slowly rolls up the right sleeve of her sweater.*

I wish you'd tell me the truth, George. Tell me what goes through your head. You hide so much behind that easy and friendly smile. The problem is that you never used to hide from me. And now? I don't know what to think anymore. But I'm sick to death of hurting you and feeling guilty for wanting to spend time with you.

I love Adam. I love you too, George, and I always will. But he has my heart.

He's-

Even with all the stupidity we subjected ourselves to, I never had to think about it. Not like I had in the past, with the questions and the doubt. I knew what I wanted. My heart was set on him before I even realized it. You see? You deserve someone who will love you unreservedly. You deserve better than this. Better than me.

He frowns.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't avoiding your question, Alanna - and that's the honest truth." He sighs. "I'll tell you what's in my head. Or as near 'as I can explain' it. We've been at an impass for so long now, you and I. Circling around each other.. not sure what to say or do. I hate it... but I don't know how to fix it." he trails off, unable to look at her.

"It's just.. I felt as though I'd said all I could. You know my feelings. I've always told you how I feel for you - maybe too much so some times.."

I know! *Frustrated, she kicks at the ground like an angry horse.* I do. You tell me how you feel in that respect, but not others. You don't talk to me anymore. It used to be so easy, George.

Tell me you're hurt, or angry, or... something. But I don't know how to fix any of this until you tell me what you want. I'm half convinced that the best thing for you would be to walk away from me for awhile.

Just... let's stop circling.

*She's breathing heavily now, pacing back and forth.*

He lets out a breath he wasn't even aware he was holding.

"I'm hurt. I'm not angry. I'll heal?" He manages a shaky smile.

"...and I want you to be happy. Regardless of who you're with. As long as you're happy. May the Gods strike me down if I lie."

Okay. Honesty is good.

*It's almost as if she's trying to convince herself. She swallows again and holds out her wrist. George should know her well enough to notice an added scar.*

I am happy, George. But I hate that you're not, and that I had any role in that. May the Gods strike me down if I lie.

"Losing you as my best friend would pain me far more than losing you as a lover."

He glances at her wrist.

He can guess what the scar represents.

"Ah. You've been to the desert."

You'll never lose me, George. Ever.

*Alanna traces the fourth scar with her thumb and lowers her arm.*

Aye.

We're not married, but it's something like that. Bound.

He swallows.

Somehow it's less painful than he thought it would be.

"Congratulations."

He leans over and kisses her gently on the forehead.

*Alanna has her own theories on why that might be, but this isn't the time for her to bring it up. She smiles a little at the kiss and rubs her nose.*

Thank you.

So.

*She looks up.* Are we going to stop hiding from each other?I just... don't want to ignore the issue and act like everything is fine when it's not.

He meets her gaze.

"I can't promise everything will be instantly ok between us. But I do promise I will tell you when there's a problem. You don't hide from me. I don't hide from you. The rest happens as it does. Or doesn't. Will that suffice?"

Yes.

*Alanna takes a deep breath.*

Yes. I'm tough, George. If you need to back away, or just yell, know that you can. Because I'm not going anywhere, I promise.

"Good. I'd miss you terribly."

He smiles.

I have missed you terribly. *Swallowing, she leaps forward and hugs him.* I'm no good at these sort of things, as you well know.

He hugs her back - tightly.

"Neither am I. What a pair we make." he says, shaking his head. "A right mess, the both of us."

We have other talents? *She supplies hopefully, blinking back tears. For a moment, she's content to stay as she is, and marvels again at how much has changed.* I never wanted to hurt you, George. I know you know that, but I feel it is important to repeat.

*She sighs.*

I should see to Mithros. Perhaps we can go for a ride soon?

"Yes. Lets."

He looks at her hopefully. "Please?"

*Alanna smiles slowly, feeling some of the tension work its way out of her shoulders. She stands on her toes to kiss his cheek and walks back to Mithros.*

You have my word on it. Thank you, George.

*Grinning, she swings up on her horse and asks for a canter, waving over her shoulder as they leave.*

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OOM: At night by the lake.

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